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5 October 2025Beating back the apocalypse
The latest offering from Ford seems appropriate in 2020 where it feels like the world could end at any moment
T he road to hell is paved with good intentions they say. The hell of 2020 has been filled with more good intentions than most others if you think about it.
In the months-long pandemic and subsequent lockdowns did you write that great novel you’ve always known lurked within the musty, fusty synapses of your mind? Good intention? Unfulfilled … hell beckons.
Did you master the piano that has been serving as a dust trap in the corner of the room, teasing your increasingly arthritic fingers with the thought that you may just have a latent Gershwin-like talent? Good intention? Unfulfilled … hell beckons.
Or maybe that foreign language? You know that the world is getting smaller and that English is the lingua franca of business and the wider world, but you do feel that good old-fashioned British guilt seeing others making more effort and you’re haunted by the spectre of the shouty tourist knowing s/he can get what’s needed in that Omani souk simply by repeating the requirements, only louder. Volume always works doesn’t it? Good intention? Unfulfilled … hell beckons.
Those of you who actually know me in person rather than simply through the words I write in Halcyon magazine and on this website may well recognise that the above is all about me. Hell’s siren song is surely beckoning me in this year-of-years.
But maybe not. For one of my life’s goals – a lesser one to be sure – was actually accomplished. For somehow, despite a dicky back, a predilection towards a horizontal lifestyle and a perpetual mañana attitude to domestic tasks I managed to re-gravel the patio in my garden, the square footage of which is larger than some apartments in which I’ve lived.
I have always been partial to a good truck. With hefty chunks of my childhood spent in the United States I have been a passenger in many a Chevrolet or Ford work vehicle. So, imagine my delight when, two days before the government locked us all down in March of 2020, a Ford Ranger Raptor arrived on my driveway to be reviewed.
Imagine my delight when, two days before the government locked us all down in March of 2020, a Ford Ranger Raptor arrived on my driveway to be reviewed
Then picture my further giddiness when, on being told we had all to stay at home, Ford rang me to say they didn’t have the personnel to collect it. Would I be good enough to look after this double-cab variant for an undetermined length of time? If we couldn’t go anywhere then I’d rather have a pick-up truck sitting stationary on the driveway than a Lamborghini. If the apocalypse were indeed on the way then foraging across the moors for provisions in this utilitarian beast with its Transformers looks would be preferable to trying the same in an Aventador.
So I set about using it for purpose rather than for review. I volunteered it and myself to the NHS and also to the local community to shop for the elderly and those isolating. And, in the yawning void of my now-empty diary, I made multiple, socially distanced, trips to the garden centre to obtain what felt like the contents of an entire quarry to tart up the outside of my house. Thus I can talk, from a position of experience, of the biggest plusses and minuses of Ford’s latest UK truck offering.
Foremost the cabin is a great place to be while going from A to B. It comes with all of Ford’s usual plasticky buttons but, for a vehicle costing around £50,000 you don’t expect a diamond-encrusted steering wheel (I did particularly like the red stripe at the top of the wheel to remind you of your alignment though – slightly unnecessary but good attention to detail). I usually struggle to find a good driving position in Ford’s offerings but the Raptor proved to be the exception to the rule and many miles passed without the need to reach for my osteopath’s phone number.
On the highways, with big knobbly, off-road tires, the Raptor wags its tail more liberally than a Labrador at the first piquant whiff of a roasted bone. Just the merest hint of moisture between tarmac and rubber and you have to be extra-judicious with the application of your right boot. But the Raptor isn’t designed for the road. It’s the European-spec version of the American Baja racer with a coil-over spring and shock absorber set-up with Fox Racing suspension dampers – this marries the on-road experience with exceptional impact performance when you hit the mud and rocks.
On the highways, with big knobbly, off-road tires, the Raptor wags its tail more liberally than a Labrador at the first piquant whiff of a roasted bone
While you get everything inside, underneath and above that you might in America there is an exception – the one thing you don’t get is the 3.5-litre twin-turbo V6 and this makes all the difference. Ford’s seeming disdain for the UK / European market means we get a 2-litre diesel EcoBlue unit with 213 horsepower that does the vehicle no favours at all. It may well come with two (small) sequential turbos but it really is underpowered. A more-than-ten-second 0-60mph time is puny and you’ll be doing well to get 30mpg out of the unit.
The 10-speed gearbox isn’t great either being unintuitive and unresponsive. It all worked but I expected more. The Germans have the performance part of the market cornered with VW’s Amarok and Mercedes’ X-Class both capable of 0-60mph in around seven seconds and, to boot, while costing less than the Raptor.
The other problem with the Raptor is the payload. Pick-ups are popular because their purpose means they can be classified as commercial vehicles for tax purposes. However, in order to do so, they need to be able to carry a minimum payload and the Raptor’s 620kg capability drops it down into the category of ‘car’ which is far more expensive. You would be better advised to drop down the Ford offering to the Wildtrak which will do almost as much, for cheaper with a bigger engine choice.
I don’t know what it is about Ford but they seem to think that we here in Britain don’t have the same hairy chests that they do. Why else would they give us this decaffeinated version of the Raptor when it wouldn’t be the biggest logistical challenge to ship the parts to Dagenham? They did, after all, eventually give in and give us the full-fat version of the Mustang after years of selling us the foal rather than the fully mature pony.
I grant you they wouldn’t sell that many here in the UK but then they won’t sell that many of this Euro-spec iteration either. It would probably be more cost-efficient not to have a redesign and homogenise the parts (ditching that underpowered engine).
This in turn would presumably lead to bigger margins. And then those who did buy the Yank Tank version would have a better, more fun, toy to hoon around in. I’m afraid that this really is a case of all ‘show’ with little in the way of ‘go’.
This winter, Ford have provided two Raptors (in distinctive tiger livery) to Whipsnade Zoo where they will be put to good use. Transporting feed, bedding and activity toys around the 600-acre nature haven is the perfect use for these trucks. This won’t tax their capacity and the high position will enable the keepers to monitor the animals while on the go.
Pick-ups are popular because their purpose means they can be classified as commercial vehicles for tax purposes
The Raptor was fun while I had it but it did eventually go back to Ford. I haven’t lost my love of pick-ups and would consider this for my personal driveway if it had the right engine. It made my Land Rover look small when parked alongside and the commanding driving position was a joy. It appears the next car I may be testing will be a McLaren. From the highest of driving positions to one of the lowest. Daft really when you think about it.
This column is being penned from the chilly Northumberland hinterland. We’ve had snow already but are now into a more normal state of grizzly greyness as the new year beckons. Darkness arrives in the middle of the afternoon but the twinkle of fairy lights keeps spirits buoyant (the mulled wine helps too).
We’ve gone through the seven stages of grief over the seemingly never-ending eight months – so far – of the coronavirus. We’ve had tears and tantrums that have now morphed into tiers and yet more tantrums. Just in the last few days the government had to invent a whole new level of five-alarm-fire-warning as a mutation of the virus has exacerbated its infectiousness. Truly 2021, and the promise of a vaccine, cannot come fast enough so that we can visit with, celebrate with and, above all, love our friends and families once again.
So maybe we’re already in hell. I did think it would be warmer than we’re currently experiencing but you can’t have everything I suppose. This year has certainly been hellish but don’t beat yourself up about things you should have done but didn’t. We must live our best lives even if we’re already in Hades’ inescapable grip. Ford’s Dystopia-Raptor would be a fun addition to the End-Times party even if there are other pick-ups out there that could do a more complete job. This isn’t by any stretch the best truck on the market. But it is a bloody good laugh.